I'm 18 weeks, and exactly one week from today we find out the sex of our precious baby. I cannot wait to find out!
As my stomach has gotten bigger and this whole pregnancy thing has started to become more and more real to me, I find that my brain will not turn off. Pregnancy is an exciting and nerve-wracking time. If you've never been pregnant, you're probably wondering, how could it be nerve-wracking? Well, the 1st trimester is when most miscarriages take place, so for some, it can be a scary time. Many people wait to announce their pregnancy until after their 1st trimester is over. We announced ours at 7 weeks because we were so excited and wanted to share the great news immediately. We even had someone say to us, "Don't you think you should have waited until the 2nd trimester in case of a miscarriage?" Why on earth would someone say that to expecting parents, I have no idea. Anyway, as I'm in my 2nd trimester and go 6 weeks between midwife appointments, I just have to wait and trust that everything is going along great inside of me. There have been times when I wished I could just hear the baby's heart beat or feel the baby move for reassurance that everything is okay. One day I thought about just walking into my midwife's office just to hear the heart beat for my personal reassurance. But then the more I thought about it, I was truly ashamed of my unbelief; my doubting God. I'm not saying there would have been anything wrong for me to go and hear the heart beat if it made me feel better. But I realized there was a deeper issue going on inside of me than just that. I was trying to control the situation, rather than just trust in the fact that God is God, and I am not. Some days I work with NICU babies at Vanderbilt, so I see worst case scenarios of these precious newborn babies. Between my experiences in NICU and the recent news of a girl from my hometown area whose little baby died from SIDS, my heart just breaks for these families. As a woman who is pregnant and very emotional, I've realized I have 2 choices: 1. To live in fear & worry. 2. To trust in God that HE is sovereign, & His plan is far greater than any plan of our own. I'm choosing to trust the Lord with this child that He has chosen and placed in my womb. My baby isn't even here yet but I'm reminded that Eric and I must place this child and our future children in the hands of the Lord, for they are HIS children more than they are our own. In the end, we are only their guardians, a vessel that the Lord is using during our time on earth. It's hard to imagine, but God loves our children far more than we could ever love them. What reassuring truth!
Sorry for the deep blog post, but I felt like I needed to get that out as I have been struggling with my wavering faith lately. I'm so thankful we serve a mighty God who is quick to forgive and quick to offer grace to us.
1 Samuel 1:27–28
"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."
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Kristen, I absolutely love reading your blogs and have no doubt that you and Eric will make amazing parents! You couldn't have said it better than when you said pregnancy is nerve-wracking. I remember looking to by at-home monitors so I could hear Aiden's heartbeat in between doctors visits. I would drive myself crazy! But when you put your faith in Him and realize that if it's meant to be, it will be. And He is there the whole time. I had two pretty big scares when I was preggo with Aiden and just remembering praying so hard it would bring me to tears to please protect Aiden and keep him safe. Those fears never go away once that beautiful baby is brought into this world. If anything, it emensly intensifies! But there is no greater feeling than being pregnant. The first time you hold them, kiss them and touch them.. It's a love like no other. And having a relationship with Him and raising your family to honor Him is such a blessing. Keep up the great blogs and take care pretty lady!! See you soon!!
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